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After a short break I will continue the friday joke. I did not post last friday as I was in Paris. Anyway back to the jokes.
have a nice weekend all.
Murphy's Laws for Parents
1 ) The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
2 ) Leakproof thermoses--will.
3 ) The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4 ) The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
5 ) The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
6 ) Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
7 ) The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. [By definition]
8 ) Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
9 ) Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
10 ) Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
The Jcandycandycandyler and The Cop
A jcandycandycandyler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" Asks the cop.
"I'm a jcandycandycandyler and I jcandycandycandyle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" Says the doubtful cop.
"Lets see you do it."
The jcandycandycandyler gets out and starts jcandycandycandyling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking.
Look at the test they're giving now!"
The Mother and Three Sons
Three sons left home, started careers and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give their elderly mother for her seventieth birthday. The first said, "I built a big house for Mom."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out letters of thanks:
She wrote to the first son, "Milton, the house you built is not practical. I live in only one room, but I have to heat, cool, and clean the whole house."
She wrote to the second son, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
She wrote the third son, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
1500 people went into the sea when Titanic sank from under us.
There were 20 boats floating nearby, and only 1 came back........ One
Hahahah g1 and GW to you all =)